There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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