I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
