Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
