Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
