I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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