I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
