We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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