I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
