i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
