I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
