we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
