just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
