If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
