I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
