Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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