I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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