Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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