It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
