Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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