Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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