I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
