I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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