just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
