she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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