i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I want a musical about memes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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