i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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