if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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