if only i could text you this smell
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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