look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize