Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
