is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
