I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
