today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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