yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
