He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
