If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
