Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
