i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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