I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
