I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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