please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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