My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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