it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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