Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
