1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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