I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
