My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think my moral compass just broke
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
