just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
