As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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