so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
