Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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