For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize