hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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