She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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