i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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