I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can i not drive my cunt home
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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