After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize