i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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