I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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