alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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