I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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