So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
