My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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