why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
