what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My penis needs a shock collar
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize