I have demons in me.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
