you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
worst night to have a conscience
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
