did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
