We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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