yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
