Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
