Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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