my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize